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Sagacious Quotes

Famous and Not So Famous Quotations (All Make Perfect Sense However)

“The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.”
         Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.”
         John Adams (1735 - 1826)

“A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.”
         Katharine Whitehorn

“The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.”
         Paul Valery (1871 - 1945)

“The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.”
         Elizabeth Taylor (1932 - )

“Physicists like to think that all you have to do is say, these are the conditions, now what happens next?”
         Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988)

“Maybe this world is another planet's hell.”
         Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963)

“He knows all about art, but he doesn't know what he likes.”
         James Thurber (1894 - 1961)

“You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.”
         Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519)

“Evil when we are in its power is not felt as evil but as a necessity, or even a duty.”
         Simone Weil (1909 - 1943), Gravity and Grace, 1947

“Real glory springs from the silent conquest of ourselves.”
         Joseph P. Thompson

“An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.”
         Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885), 'Histoire d'un crime,' 1852

“You can't help someone get up a hill without getting closer to the top yourself.”
         H. Norman Schwarzkopf (1934 - )

“If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.”
         Moshe Dayan (1915 - 1981)

“Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself.”
         Jean Anouilh (1910 - 1987)

“You can't help someone get up a hill without getting closer to the top yourself.”
         H. Norman Schwarzkopf, US general (1934 - )

“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.”
         Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972)

“The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless. So for guidance, you want to look to big business. Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes ...............”
         Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"

“He who lives by the crystal ball will die from eating broken glass.”
         Old Chinese Proverb

“No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties.”
         Bob Hope

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”
         Ashleigh Brilliant

“Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.”
         Lyndon Baines Johnson, former President of the United States

“If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they still wouldn't reach a conclusion.”
         George Bernard Shaw

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.”
         Groucho Marx

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”
         Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"History is one damn thing after another.”
         Attributed to Henry Ford

“The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.”
         Alben W. Barkley, (vice president under Harry Truman)

“About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.”
         Herbert Hoover

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.”
         Bob Hope

“The stock market has predicted nine out of the last five recessions.”
         Paul Samuelson, Newsweek, 1966

“Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.”
         John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006)

“Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.”
         George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

“Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.”
         Cullen Hightower

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.”
         John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)

“The freedom of all is essential to my freedom.”
         Mikhail Bakunin (1814 - 1876)

“Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.”
         Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)

“No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other.”
         Jascha Heifetz

“Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.”
         Lewis Mumford

“A waist is a terrible thing to mind.”
         Jane Caminos

“If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.”
         Peter Ustinov

“Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.”
         Kin Hubbard

“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.”

“Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.”
         Evan Esar

“It is bad luck to be superstitious.”
         Andrew W. Mathis

“A cult is a religion with no political power.”
         Tom Wolfe

“No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.”
         Michael Pritchard

“Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.”
         Robert Orben

“There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.”
         Bertrand Russell

“But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
         Benjamin Franklin

“The only good ideas are the ones I can take credit for.”
         R. Stevens

“I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.”
         Samuel Goldwyn

“We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic.”
         David Russell

“Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.”
         Lane Olinghouse

“Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.”
         National Lampoon

“Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.”
         Frank Dane

“If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.”
         Donald H. Rumsfeld

“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.”
         Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

“Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it.”
         Elias Schwartz

“The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism.”
         Norman Brenner

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
         Author Unknown

“Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: ‘Take two aspirin’ and ‘Keep away from children’.”
         Author Unknown

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”
         Jeff Foxworthy

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.”
         Dave Barry

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.”
         Bob Ettinger

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh’.”
         Conan O'Brien

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
         Lynda Montgomery

“I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
         Richard Jeni

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”
         Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.”
         Paul Rodriguez

"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.”
         Oscar Wilde

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
         Mark Twain

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan.”
         A. Whitney Brown

“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
         Dave Barry

“Do you know why they call it ‘PMS’? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.”
         Unknown, presumed deceased

"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”
         W. C. Fields

“The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it.”
         Warren Buffett

“Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighborhood.”
         Louise Beal

“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”
         PJ O'Rourke

“Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good.”
         Thomas Sowell

“Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats.”
         Howard Aiken

“It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it can take only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.”
         Evan Esar

“We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways.”
         Samuel McChord Crothers

"If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for Texas.”
         Ma Ferguson (first female governor of Texas)

"I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.”
         Rodney Dangerfield